When I met my husband two years ago, I was one hundred percent done chasing men. I was completely and totally done with over-functioning in relationships, being the one who did the pursuing, initiating all the dates and sitting around wondering if a man was really interested in me.
I was tired of love being hard, and I completely committed to the decision that this time, love was going to be easy for me. I did the mindset work to align with this, I cleared all of my blocks, and I implemented some strategies to get what I wanted.
But before I share what happened when my husband showed up, let’s talk about what led up to this total breakthrough/breakdown for me.
There was the “Jeep guy” who I met and was completely and totally infatuated with from the very start. He asked me out and then immediately told me he was right out of a one-year relationship. I was not interested in that. I told him that once he had some time to heal more, I would be open to going out. His response: he proceeded to send me lame texts for TWO YEARS. I would love to say that I told him to eff off, but I did not. My friends and I were so sure that his continual texting me actually meant something and that one day we would be a couple. NO. That never happened, and I ended up frustrated, burned out and hitting BLOCK and DELETE on my phone.
There was the “beta guy” who could never move the relationship forward. OMG – this guy KILLED ME. We would go on a date, and he would complain about his terrible life and how he couldn’t find a good job. My thoughts: well, he drives an amazing car, is so nice, takes me on great dates and is always reaching out. Maybe he is better than I think he is? NO. I wasted six months waiting for this guy to move the relationship forward, and nothing ever happened. With me or ANY woman. He perceived himself as a victim, and victims do not know how to successfully pursue women (or men for that matter). Nothing is their fault, and they are typically very passive or even passive-aggressive – but RARELY assertive.
Then there was the “cancer guy” who was so, so sweet. His sister had died from colon cancer, and he loved her SO much. He and his brother decided to start a non-profit in her hometown to honor her. To accomplish that, they traveled there a couple of times a month, so he was gone a lot. When he was in town we went out, and it was amazing, but he was never moving it forward. He was slow, methodical and never really very clear. It was frustrating, exhausting, and I was over it.
The last guy that killed it for me was “coffee guy.” This guy came on and said all the right things. He said how interested he was in me, asked me tons of questions about my life and work and followed up in asking me out by sending me a nice message. Then, he canceled for work reasons. We rescheduled. Then he canceled for other reasons. We rescheduled. Then, he canceled for other reasons. Then, he disappeared.
I will never forget that night. I totally hit bottom and lost it. I sat in front of my mirror and cried my eyes out. I knew at a very deep level that I was the cause of all of this, but I had no idea what that meant or what the next step for me would be.
I only knew that my ENTIRE life was riddled with men who left or cheated or ghosted or never really even existed. For the first time ever, I realized that the only common denominator was me! I couldn’t change any of these men.
But I could change all of me! I could change the way I thought, the things I believed, and I could completely change the results I received. I decided that night that love WOULD happen for me, but that this time it would be SO easy and SO uncomplicated. I set out on learning the steps to making that my reality.
I have never shared this publicly before now, but I NEVER called or texted my husband ONE time before we got engaged. And this wasn’t a strategy on my end.
I was simply done, completely and totally, with pursuing men and over-functioning in relationships. I was ONLY willing to go out with men who ONE HUNDRED percent showed me by their ACTIONS that I was of high priority. I did what felt good to me. I let them pursue me. Reach out to me. Plan dates with me. And if a guy didn’t? He wasn’t a match for ME.
My husband knew what he wanted from the very start. And he showed it. He called every day, texted every day, consistently planned dates and followed up after dates. I leaned back, received and showed I was interested.
I get asked all the time if he ever wondered if I liked him since I wasn’t reaching out? NO. I responded with enthusiasm every time he reached out. I thanked him and told him I enjoyed myself after every date. I showed him through my ENERGY that I was interested.
Learning to let a man pursue takes skill, it takes effort and it takes doing what feels counterintuitive to many women.
I now have a couple of spots open again in my private coaching program and would love to add some women who are SO READY to let love BE EASY.
Are you ready to lean back, receive and bring your husband in now?
If so, let’s get to it!!