After three suspected cheating episodes, multiple lies, and a gut intuition that would not stop yelling at her, Jennifer finally reached out to me.
She desperately wanted to save her relationship and loved Mark more than anything, but knew in her heart she deserved better and asked me the question I get asked at least twice a week: how do I know for sure that he is cheating?
With today’s smartphones and secret apps, one would think that the man or woman who chooses to cheat has the upper hand.
Read on if you want to know some of the ways they hide and conspire to break your heart.
Beware: these are legit signs, not the “he looked at another woman” signs.
1) Apps on his phone – If your partner has any of these apps on his phone, he is definitely not up to anything good.
a) Tiger Text – This one allows him to send and receive messages via the app and decide how long he wants them to stay before they are deleted. They are then deleted from his phone and her phone. He can also control how much of his message history stays on his phone via the app, of course.
b) Nosy Trap – This one is sneaky. Beware that if you are snooping on his phone and you enter the wrong passcode, this one takes a photo of you. It also displays a fake iPhone screen that will send him your photo if you snoop and enter the wrong passcode!
c) Private Photo Calculator – This one is almost identical to the real calculator. Once the password is entered though, there is access to all kinds of photos and images he has hidden and stored in there.
d) Fox Private Message – If you approach him and demand to see his phone while he is messaging someone else, guess what? All he has to do is shake the phone a bit and FPM clears everything away. If he accidentally leaves his phone at home, he just sends a text message passcode to the phone and “boom!”, everything is erased. Or, he gives you the phone to search, but you can’t find anything because it is all hidden by FPM.
e) Black SMS – This app converts text messages into image files that require unscrambling via secret passcode in order to view.
f) Last but not least, you never, ever want to find Ashley Madison, Adult Friend Finder, Seeking Arrangements or Victoria Milan on his phone.
2) Can you hear his phone? – You might be concerned if your partner keeps his phone on silent, leaves his phone “in the car”, at the office, or otherwise often does not have his phone anywhere where you can see it. It is one thing if your partner occasionally forgets his phone in the car, but it’s a problem if this is a regular occurrence and is coupled with other signs. Another thing he might do is keep it on airplane mode. Usually, with this kind of man, you will not have his password, so you will not have access to his phone.
3) Where’s his phone – On the flip side, if your guy takes his phone with him everywhere so that you can NEVER see it, that is a warning sign as well. Does he take it in the bathroom to do his, umm, business? No biggie. But does he take it in the kitchen to grab a water, take it when he is showering, going outside, etc.?
4) Does your man freak out when you touch his phone? And I don’t mean if he has OCD. I mean for the regular guys who react strongly if you reach for it or want to look something up or God forbid, actually make a CALL on it. This is a major sign that something is up. People who have nothing to hide do not care if you touch their phone, use their phone, basically, do anything but call outside of whatever country they happen to be in on their phone!
5) He suddenly becomes more loving or less loving. Now this one can be a bit dicey because we all have our moods, yeah? But a man who is cheating is balancing multiple women, dealing with you being suspicious and missing him and her wanting more time with him. There will be times he feels guilty about cheating and becomes more loving towards you or times he feels guilty towards her and so is less loving towards you. Cheating is a tricky game.
However, this does not apply to a narcissist. They never planned on being faithful to you, and they do not feel guilty. Both you and she are a part of what’s called his narcissistic supply, and you are only there to serve him. He will be more loving if he needs something from you. Period. Let me be clear here, a true narcissist will never be faithful and will usually only admit to cheating the FIRST time and never again. Run, don’t walk.
6) He changes the way he has sex with you. Is he turning off the lights now? Moving your body differently? Performing in a way he never has before? This is usually because he is doing things in a different way with her, and he likes it. He wants more of it and is changing it up at home as well. This one can be really painful, and I encourage women to not be sexual with the man if she thinks their partner is cheating. In fact, I get very concerned when a woman tells me she thinks her partner is cheating and she is being sexual with him, especially without protection. You need to protect yourself. As much as you may love him, you need to be aware that you might be at risk and not only get STD tested but refrain from sex until you know the truth. YOU ARE WORTH IT.
7) He suddenly needs a lot of privacy. Is he suddenly spending a lot of time away from you? Men, in general, need time away and they should have it, but I am talking about a man who needs a LOT of time away, a new behavior for him. Also, have his other habits changed? Is he showering more when he leaves the house? Wearing more cologne, dressing nicer? Being gone longer? Working out more?
Pay attention and be observant of what he is doing when he needs all this sudden alone time. Most importantly, have things changed between you? Cheaters are also good at starting fights to create a reason to get out of the house. Sometimes a man just wants a lot of alone time because there is a ton of tension and fighting, but sometimes he has an ulterior motive!
8) He has another phone. Men who have gotten good at cheating do not bother with secret apps on their main phone, changing their girlfriends’ numbers in that phone, or deleting texts. Those things are for amateurs. They know the best way to avoid getting caught is to have a phone that you do not even know about and to keep it somewhere to which you do not have access, like their office. If you are in a relationship with a man whose cheating has progressed to the point where he has a secret phone, you have a serious problem.
9) He has an app on his phone that allows him to call numbers discreetly, and they do not show on his bill and do not register as his number. This means that when you check the phone bill, which after this article you might, there are almost no calls when there should be and that just doesn’t add up.
10) I left the most important one for last. If YOU suspect he is cheating. Almost everyone I know, myself included, who has suspected that their partner is cheating was dead on. The thing is, you know your partner, you know his habits, his body language, what he does, and how he thinks. All of this is SO subtle but when it shifts? WE JUST KNOW. So, trust yourself, go with it and take care of yourself.
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*PLEASE note, some of the apps were not originally created for cheating but have been abused for such purposes.