Six years ago, I was on Match.com and met a man who took my breath away. He was gorgeous, smart, funny, kind and ambitious. I could go on and on about all of the amazing qualities he had, but know that he was IT on paper.
More than that, his story was one that touched my heart and unraveled all of the gooey parts in me that made me think longevity and convinced me that he would be the one that would never hurt me.
He had met his wife in college, fallen quickly in love, married and had a beautiful daughter. Immediately after her birth, his wife was diagnosed with cancer and quickly died.
This experienced devastated him, and he simply wanted to fall in love again after taking a good amount of time off to heal and grieve her death.
We went out on many dates and things seemed to progress nicely, but he was moving at a speed I wasn’t ready for and I started to push back.
He got confused by my signals and I got confused by his and, before you knew it, he simply vanished. The Casper of my dating life.
This was my fourth failed attempt in a row.
After this, I started to withdraw. I was scared. I was confused about men and dating. Why did so many disappear, and what was I doing wrong?
One day off turned into two, two turned into three and before I knew it, I had taken years off from dating. And the truth? I was terrified to get back out there.
But I conquered my fear, committed to love and set out on my path to meet my husband.
Here’s what I learned…
1) Dating is a skill. And skills can be learned. If you haven’t met your partner yet and you question your ability to put out the “right” profile, pick the highest quality men, have men stay and create a long-lasting relationship, I urge you to look at it like this – when you started the job you have now, you had to go through training to develop the skill set you have, right? Dating is the same. If you aren’t a good dater and have failed to have love happen for you, don’t give up. Learn the skills of dating and watch your results change.
2) You have to be yourself. There are endless dating blogs geared towards preying on women’s insecurities. They are filled with guarantees of how you can get a man quickly and keep a man forever if only you act a certain way, do certain things and guess what happens? You attract a man who likes THAT kind of woman. And you’re not her. So he leaves, and you are left alone and searching once again. It’s easy to act a certain way to get a man, but real relationships are based on authenticity, transparency and intimacy. None of those exist when you’re scheming to get a guy. Also, that guy who is looking for a woman JUST like you? He can’t find you if you are doing a bunch of stuff to pretend to be someone else.
3) Mindset is king. It doesn’t matter what you SAY about love, only what you believe. If you say you want a partner, but he isn’t here, chances are your mindset isn’t aligned with finding love. If I told you that your man was kneeling in front of you right now with a diamond ring, promising you the world, what is the first thought that pops into your mind? For many women, it’s FINALLY!!!! But the second thought? It’s OMG, but what if he leaves? What if it doesn’t work out and he abandons me? Or, it’s never going to happen for me…I don’t really deserve this. That’s why your man isn’t here. Mindset is EVERYTHING. Until that is aligned, he won’t show up.
4) Your man is looking for you as well. I wrote a letter to my husband one night, and I got very emotional when I wrote it. I told him how much I wished he was here and how long I had been looking for him. I told him that the search had been long and hard, and he needed to hurry up. I wrote this letter in Houston, TX. My to-be husband was, at the same time, sitting on his balcony in Sarasota, FL, looking up at the stars and asking God, when is it my turn? Where is she and when is she coming? Ladies, he is looking for you too.
5) The Universe wants you to have this desire. I cannot say anything more important than this. If you have this desire in your heart, it is because you are meant to have it. An amazing woman told me this many years ago, and it is so true. Your work is simply to decide what you want and to become in alignment with it. The trick is becoming aware of all the subconscious blocks we carry from our childhood and previous dating relationships and making sure they are shifted and released. There are tons of modalities created especially for this purpose.
6) Your past is not your future. Let me repeat that. Your past is not your future. I do not care how many men have left you, ghosted you, cheated on you or told you that you do not deserve love. You are beautiful, worthy and deserving of love NOW. Being able to call love in is about being able to connect to the energy of love right NOW, neutralizing all the voices of negativity that tell you that you cannot experience abundant love with a man and releasing the attachment to it so that it shows up in your reality in real time.
7) Evolved, conscious and awake men READ your energy. Quickly. You can have all the blow-outs, make-overs and stylist sessions you want but, if underneath it all you don’t feel good about who you are and what you have to offer, you won’t make it past the first few dates. Or even score a date at all. If you want a man who is evolved and aware, do the work to value yourself. Clean up your energy and watch those high-quality men circle you like flies on honey. If you don’t know how to do the inner work, invest in yourself.
Hire someone who can help you. If nothing changes, guess what? Nothing changes. ?
If you are ready to hone your skills and meet the one, book a complimentary call and let’s get you an action step you can take today to improve your love life!